so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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