how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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