can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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