you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
