sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
