birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
