He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
