Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
