Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
