I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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