Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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