dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
