ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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