So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
