Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
