Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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