Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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