Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
