if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
