I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
