Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
