is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
