Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
