Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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