I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
