First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
