uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
