that's an acceptable place to lick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
