he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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