I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
