You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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