I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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