who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
