i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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