Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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