i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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