Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
