doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
