i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
