That's intense
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
third nipple confirmed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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