I wish i was in the wii world.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
