Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
