Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
