I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
