why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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