I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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