I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
