I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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