my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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