I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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