I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
