my sisters under your porch take her home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
