can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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