just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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