Yo dont text me then not text me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
