These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
