I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
