Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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