I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
