i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
